Why Generative Dialogue Is Essential To Communication
The Dalai Lama told us, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know; but when you listen, you may learn something new”. He encourages us to be prepared to listen to others and absorb new ideas and concepts.
Professor Tony Watson, in his book “The Emergent Manager’, said, “It is through language, formal and informal, official and unofficial, that the bulk of the business of leadership and management is conducted. It is through speaking and listening to each other, when all of us make sense of things as managers, employees, researchers or as part of our ordinary and extraordinary lives.”
So often we want to say ‘you hear me but you don’t listen to me’ to our colleagues. So often we feel our colleagues hear what we are saying, but our words have no impact. So often we talk to them, but we feel they do not really listen to what we have to say. We sense our words ‘go in one ear and right out the other’.
I was reminded recently of the need for active and reflective listening as well as generative dialogue when over ninety senior executives from Bahrain and Saudi Arabia signed up for an evening at the Capital Club in Bahrain for one of our ‘Alignment and Synergy’ workshops. A business owner wanted to share some quite controversial views. He stood up, took center-stage and began to speak. There were many who wanted to shut him up given what he was saying; but the gathered crowd listened, absorbed and gave him the chance to air his views.
What we witnessed was reflective listening and a re-affirmation for most people of their own perspectives, after giving the speaker a chance to talk. Ultimately we then watched a generative shift in the position of what had been fixed views from others.
We experienced a ‘fusion of horizons’ in the workshop. This ‘fusion’ moment led to our own horizons being enriched, gaining insights and knowledge, delivering this expansion of horizons. We witnessed active and reflective listening and generative dialogue being stimulated.
In our knowledge-based, networked economy, the ability to talk, listen and think together is a vital source of competitive advantage and organizational effectiveness. This is because human beings create, refine, and share knowledge through conversation. In a world where technology has led to the erosion of traditional boundaries, the glue that holds us together is no longer ‘telling’ but ‘conversing’; creating generative dialogue.
The term ‘dialogue’ signifies a ‘flow of meaning’. The essence of dialogue is an inquiry to uncover ideas, perceptions, and understanding which people do not already have. This is not the norm. We typically try to come to important conversations well prepared and are unlikely to allow ourselves to hear others’ ideas. In generative dialogue people learn to use the energy of their differences and thus improve, enhance and add to their collective knowledge and wisdom.
Guidelines giving us the chance to get to generative dialogue with colleagues, suppliers and customers start with respecting each other and aiming for a win/win situation, rather than approaching each other as adversaries. We need to give a sense of importance to all involved in the conversation, no matter their designation or position in their respective companies. Once we have managed to handle this not so easy approach, we can then begin to explore collective learning.
If we find ourselves wanting to shut the other person up through our passive/aggressive listening, then we are just waiting to win the debate. If we find ourselves compromising in a discourse and are reacting defensively, then we are not beginning to generate new ideas. If we are uncovering new ideas, which flow from the conversation, then we are stimulating generative dialogue and finding new consensus, going beyond debate and discussion and really exploring ways to create agreed and actionable, sustainable change and transformation.
Generative dialogue is a hard-skill to learn. We have to remember we have two ears and one mouth. We have to remember others have something to say which is more than likely to be worth hearing. Once mastered, the outcome from engaging with others and taking part in generative dialogue will improve results for your company, as well as create a place where people feel respected, listened to and appreciated, releasing inventive individuals who want to do well for themselves as well as for their colleagues and company.
Generative dialogue involves giving the other person your undivided attention and showing an interest in their thoughts and ideas, as well as asking quality questions when something needs clarification; demonstrating respect and promoting trust between the speaker and listener. Take the time to listen to your colleagues, help strengthen relationships and aid decision-making and problem-solving processes. Enjoy becoming more connected with the people around you.
