Communicating Respect
In every culture respect is important, and it invariably means
different things to different people. We live and work where
cross-cultural communication is nuanced and adds a layer
of unnecessary complexity. Given we accept people will work
smarter and harder with us if we respect them, we ought to try
harder to be respectful, especially if ultimately respect is a tool
helping us achieve sustainable success.
When working in most multi-cultural environments, these
differences in how ‘Respect’ is viewed can cause communication
challenges. The key is in understanding what ‘Respect’
means where you are, and to the people who are surrounding
you. In many cultures, individuals are considered to be worthy
of respect until they prove otherwise. In other cultures, people
have to earn respect rather than lose it.
Dictionary definitions of ‘Respect’ make it clear we need to
recognise how we are using the word. We need to know whether
we are expressing a feeling of deep admiration for someone or
something elicited by their competencies or capabilities, their
qualities or their achievements. We might mean a basic regard
for the feelings and wishes of others. As a verb, we might use
‘Respect’ to say we consider someone positively or express my
due regard for their rights.
Taking time to understand the type of respect we mean ought
to ensure our communication works more effectively and is
well-received. As we all know, communication can go terribly
wrong; we set out with the best intentions to express some form
of respect but either our filters or the other person’s filters get in
the way and mangle any good intentions of the communication.
We do not react to what we see and hear; rather, we react to
what we think about what we see and hear and this depends on
filters such as gender, age, race, religion, education, societal issues
and our own inner workings. Our filters are the sum of our
experiences based on these variables, so what means ‘Respect’
to you could mean something quite different to someone else.
For example, perhaps you find it disrespectful to be late. So
you work very hard at not being late. Yet for others, ‘lateness’
is a variable term. And you are probably right about lateness
when seen through my filters. But you may be in the minority
on this in a particular culture and to express respect to others,
you might have to recalibrate your filters regarding lateness.
This is not about who is right or wrong, but about learning
to communicate effectively and express and receive messages
of respect in a reflective manner.
To that end how you behave when you want to show respect
will change and shift. You may be more deferential and congratulatory
with one person because this is what you think
they need. This allows you to take note of responses and thus
change as necessary.
Taking note of responses from others is critical. It is by doing
this we can tell whether or not we are getting the reaction we
want. Again, it is important to acknowledge how we perceive
the response is a result of our own filters.
If you feel that you may have been misunderstood or misinterpreted
you can stop, step outside of the conversation you’re
having, and ask.
This is not about changing your personality; you still feel
the same, but you think about how to help the other person
understand you. It’s about getting the results you are working
towards and working effectively with the people around you,
be they higher up the hierarchy to you, junior to you, suppliers
or customers.
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