Over recent years I have had a number of opportunities to give-back as a mentor and guide for many people. And, just as importantly as the giving, I have gained much from this mentoring work. Some of these mentoring experiences have been ad-hoc. But most have been formal mentoring programmes where we scheduled regular meetings or calls and reviewed CV writing, explored company politics, discussed career paths and drilled down into roles for possible futures or how to improve current situations in a number of ways given varying challenges.
Having had some great successes with longer-term mentoring relationships I am convinced we must not lose the important and valuable art of mentoring. These mentoring relationships have been very rewarding and beneficial for me as well as, I believe, beneficial for those being mentored; it’s a two way reflective and generative dialogue where both parties get much from the relationship.
The value of a mentoring relationship varies widely dependent on the needs of the individual looking for mentoring and also the experience of the mentor. This relationship requires hard work and honesty on both sides.
Mentoring seems to be a habit we are losing in commerce; not least because it is hard to find time in our busy schedules but it is also hard to share experiences with others when you are feeling overly stressed.
For those who are currently anxious about their roles and feel under constant pressure, it is hard to think about mentoring others when all your resources are being deployed to look after yourself. When you feel you are in survival mode, you get selfish.
Mentoring is about sincerely sharing and giving to someone else over a relatively long period of time and this takes a great deal of energy. Mentoring needs not only energy but also consistency as a role-model, positive generosity, passion, authenticity and bold candour. A mentor needs to be able to meaningfully lead with empathy, sensitivity and patience, while constantly adapting to changing times and circumstances.
Mentoring is often defined too tightly as a long-term professional relationship in which experienced individuals assist someone else in developing their career, enhancing their growth. Being a mentor is actually a joint-journey with a starting point but also with constantly changing possible end points. To be effective at different stages of this journey, a mentor needs to keep his or her mind open, constantly adding value, helping the relationship evolve and playing different roles at different stages.
Effective mentors display empathy at all points in the journey with the people they are mentoring. It is important to constantly understand and evaluate situations when providing advice and guidance. Without this understanding, any form of feedback may sound unrealistic and impractical.
Giving direction based on experience is vital but it is also vital to approach the relationship as adult-to-adult sharing, based on mutual commitment and trust. The mentors’ role is to ensure his or her experience guides the future relationship in what is a co-created journey, remembering to also listen to and learn from the person being mentored.
When you take on the role of a mentor remember you have been sought-out for your professional expertise, for your career success or for your impressive, ‘serial-achieving’ credentials. In addition to the knowledge, expertise, guidance and direction you provide, your overall impact will be improved by the quality of your communication and the strength and integrity of your character.
For those who are thinking about finding a mentor, ask yourself why you would like to enter into a mentoring relationship and what sort of mentor you would like to work alongside. Mentors provide guidance and help to solve work place problems given their experience. Connect with a mentor in or outside of your organisation who can help provide different perspectives. Mentors provide sounding boards for career direction and new ideas as well as handling issues and challenges. Avoiding pitfalls is perhaps one of the most vital elements of a mentoring relationship, again learning from the mentor’s experience.
Choose a mentor who you respect, who inspires you and who has experience in the career path you would like to follow; a mentor that will help you review your goals and give guidance on achieving these goals. You need to find a mentor who is open to explore, sort-through and distill decades of their business experience, sharing their life, leadership and management lessons which you can then continually turn-to for guidance.
Perhaps most importantly, ensure you get on with your chosen mentor. We cannot choose our workmates, but we can choose our mentor. Where possible, find mentors who are positive; people who are happy in their roles are more likely to be productive and help you find successful ways to manage your career.
Be wary however of mentors who always agree with you. Effective mentors do not give comfortable or easy solutions and are not ruinously colluding empathisers. A good mentor should hardly ever advise on specifics of a situation but should ask questions of you, encouraging you to uncover possible answers which are right for you. Micro-managing, directive-driven mentoring is to be avoided as are explicit instructions or overbearing guidance; a mentor should be encouraging you to find a place where you can ‘leave the nest’.
Becoming a great mentor means being a reflective and generative listener, being open-minded and having patience. Mentoring is definitely a challenge but the greater the effort, the greater the rewards. For the mentor there’s part-trainer, part-teacher, part-counsellor, part-consultant and part-boss and definitely a sprinkling of being a business-coach in the mentoring relationship; much cross-over across these valuable but much miss-understood concepts, but these miss-understandings are another subject for a future post.
The joys of witnessing someone succeed and progress in life and the realisation you have helped in some way is worth all this mentoring effort. The joys of getting involved in new learning for you, as the mentor, are also major humbling benefits which are a valuable part of such a longer-term mentoring journey.